20 something vs 30 something Mums – part two

Welcome to the second part of our 20 something vs 30 something Mums focus.  A collaborative post written with the fantastic Leah (AKA Somerset Mum).

If you missed last week’s post check it out here.

 

SOCIAL LIFE

The 30 something:

For most of my 20s I spent at least one night, if not two, at the weekend in either a pub, club or bar.  After the college years, completing two degrees and starting my working life I have danced into the wee hours in London, with a mad dash for the last tube, put the world to rights in remote country pubs without a taxi rank in sight and got sozzled on Bollinger at work award ceremonies.  By the time my alcohol frazzled brain turned it’s thoughts to procreation it was safe to say that my wild nights out were behind me.   We joined an NCT class whilst I was pregnant which offered up a readymade group of Mummy friends.  My social circle suddenly revolved around play groups and play dates fuelled by tea and cake.  Luckily many of these NCT chums are still good friends to this day.

 

The 20 something:

When it comes to social life and having a baby from the day I found out I was pregnant I was not going to let my baby change my entire life.  I wanted him to fit in to my life not me fit in to his. This for me was quite easy, I have never been a drinker.  If I do drink I usually end up spending the night throwing my guts up on the side of the curb because I cannot handle my drink!  I have done the nights out in the town with fake ID’s at 16 which was fun but being a mechanics daughter I quickly walked in to the car scene at 17.  As a car enthusiast, this became my interest and my hobby. I wanted to be out driving-racing, not getting paralytic in a club full of sweaty drunk people, that’s always been my idea of hell.  I don’t like the feeling of no control and being drunk or around unfamiliar people that are makes my anxiety rocket.  Ironically I ended up having a baby with an alcoholic.  Even after having Lincoln the car enthusiast in me never changed.  I still went to car meets.  I still loved my car and playing around with it.  It just had to be child friendly- isofix base, enough boot room for a pushchair. I have always been a very small group kind of girl.  With my best friend having a daughter around the same age as Lincoln this meant play dates and coffee chats with the kids.  So nothing really changed for me.

 

RETURNING TO WORK

The 30 something:

After a rocky start with Sebastian by around 6/7 months he had blossomed into a cheeky, happy, funny baby.  I had originally planned to return to work at around 9 months but having felt a bit cheated out of enjoying my maternity leave for the first few months I extended my leave to just under a year.  When I thought of ‘going back’ I felt panicked, worried, overwhelmed and full of dread.  When the day finally arrived I re-entered the office wondering if I still knew how to turn a computer on never mind calculate the ROI on an advertising proposal.  After an initial few bumpy weeks where I couldn’t remember any passwords or how to use different computer systems my baby addled brain slowly started to reignite.  And do you know what?  It made me a better Mum!  I couldn’t wait to spend my days off with my little cheeky chappy and the daily Mum tasks that had become a tad monotonous took on a vigour.

 

 

The 20 something:

I returned to work a lot sooner than I had planned. And I regret this constantly. I was so driven by work and loved my job and my replacement left when Lincoln was 4 months old.  So I had a week or two before he turned 5 months to prepare to come back to work 3 days a week.  This meant organising nursery long before I originally had planned.  My mind set after having Lincoln had completely changed.  I was no longer driven by work; I struggled to want to be there, as I’m sure most parents do.  It was no longer the top of my list.  Missing some of Lincoln’s vital milestones – crawling, first steps this all happened at nursery and that’s something I have had no choice but to come to terms with missing.  I envied the mum’s that were older and had their past careers and husband’s holding them steady so they could stop working for their little treasures, I despised the mums that had babies so they didn’t have to work because the government were happy to fund their lifestyles.  I hated my own work ethic of need to provide for myself and my child no matter what the circumstances.

 

AND NOW

The 30 something:

Now I am the proud owner of two small humans!  Lucy completed our family in March this year and Sebastian is the BEST big brother.  Yes, the toddler years have been (and still are) tough and yes I wander round in a half zombie like state with never enough time to do everything but I love it.  Sure, a rare few hours away from both sproglets does feel like two weeks in Barbados (well I’d imagine it does – if anyone wants me to write a sponsored blog in return for a holiday I’d happily oblige!) but joining the motherhood tribe has definitely been the single best and toughest thing I’ve ever done.

 

 

The 20 something:

Having a toddler is tough.  The terrible two’s are really tough!  Although I am young and I do get questioned about my age regularly which can in some circumstances be quite offensive and usually goes along with the pretence that I don’t work and that my child is some kind of shell suit wearing gob shite but that isn’t the case!  I’m just as tired as all the other mums.  I’ll probably end up grey before a lot of the older mums to!  But in between working and trying to keep our life going, I like to do as much as I can outdoors with Lincoln.  We’ve got ourselves a National Trust membership, honestly I am in my 20’s!! and we try and take full advantage of this.  I think I’m probably a little too strict with him sometimes.  A lot of my older mum friends are very forgiving with their kids and tell me I’m far too hard on him.  I think subconsciously I spend a lot of my time working hard to prove to other mums that I’m not just some young mum who has and unruly feral child.  But one who is working just as hard as them to be the best I can be for my little monkey.

 

CONCLUSION

Becoming a Mum for the first time is one of the world’s greatest levellers – it doesn’t matter whether you live in a castle or a council house, you’re a social butterfly or a hermit or you’re 40 or 16.  It is a truly life altering experience and you may breeze through this monumental transition in your life or struggle with the change.  However, every pregnancy, labour and motherhood ‘journey’ is truly unique, truly special and truly yours.  What this post has made me realise is that once someone calls you ‘Mummy’ you’re in.  In where you ask?  The club – the motherhood club and when we all share our experiences and support each other it’s a darn fine club to be in!

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